While typing up my Mighty Wolf Triathlon recap on Sunday, I had a tidbit that I edited out because the post got to be a little long. The tidbit didn’t really add much to the story of the triathlon, but there’s this feeling that creeps up on me every now and then. For some reason, errr, for several reasons, that feeling has crept up with me again, and is lurking, and I can’t shake it off, and usually the best thing to do is to vent it off in a blog post.
While setting up my transition area at the Mighty Wolf Triathlon, I couldn’t help but notice how many racers were there racing with friends. Where do they meet these friends to race with? The few friends I have either live far away, or have zero interest in the finer things in life, like swimming, biking or running. I signed up for this triathlon knowing that my husband would be at work all day, I knew I would be going solo.
No matter how far I drive, no matter what race I sign up for, no matter how many local twitter/DailyMile “friends” I make that never invite me out their gatherings, loneliness will happen.
This is why I run.
When my husband first lost his job two years ago to the crap economy, he had to take a job where he works ridiculous hours. Literally, he goes in every day at 7:00 AM and does not know what time he will be home. He goes in, gets a list of jobs to complete, and is done when the jobs are done. Sometimes it’s by noon, most of the time it’s after 7:00 PM, and sometimes I’m in bed before he gets home. This is his schedule Monday through Saturday.
His schedule is why I started doing long runs. I didn’t have anything to do on Saturdays without him, so I ran. My mileage increased every weekend, it kept me occupied. All because of his crappy schedule.
I’m glad this is the outlet I turned to in the situation, I could have developed a crack problem instead. I’m good at running away from the feeling. But sometimes, the loneliness just creeps up, bitch slaps me, and makes me wonder if I’m just unlikable to people in real life. I wonder that for all of two seconds, but I know it can’t be true.
To be perfectly honest, I think society has gotten lazy with real live relationships because of things like FaceBook. In my experience, my friends rely on FaceBook to catch up. No one mails a birthday card anymore, it’s said on FaceBook. No one stops over for tea anymore, it’s a virtual “Cheers” on FaceBook. No one uses their phone for it’s sole purpose, making a phone call. I’d delete the stupid thing, but then I would be alienating myself even further from my few friends, because let’s face it, that’s their only way of interaction anymore.
With that, I’m headed to the beach. Alone. Probably while my friends *like* my status.