the Rules

NudeBiking
To be fully prepared, I skimmed through the official rules for IronMan 70.3 Racine.  Some of the rules made me giggle.  Have a look:

After the swim, you will be directed through the timing chutes to the swim
to bike transition. Public nudity is not permitted. We require you to be fully
ready to race before getting on your bike.

This rule is clearly made by someone who has never experienced the liberating feeling of going to a nude beach.  Let your inner nudest freak-flag fly triathletes!!

No aqua socks (neoprene booties) unless the water temperature is 65.0
degrees Fahrenheit or colder.

But, but, my neon orange-pink aqua socks match my Newtons!

Swim goggles, snorkels, or facemasks may be worn. Any athlete using
a snorkel will not be eligible for Age Group awards.

No nudity, no snorkels, these guys have no sense of adventure.

Wetsuits cannot measure more than 5 mm thick.

You mean to tell me people want to look even bigger in those unflattering things?

Athletes may walk bike, if necessary, but may not make progress on the bike course unaccompanied by their bicycle.

Note to self, do not forget to bring your bike!!

Please do not use private property as a toilet.

Oh.  Good thing my pants are my property, I may shit those.

Please ask your friends and family members to refrain from painting the roads along the course. This defaces public property and is a punishable offense.

Dear friends, do not draw penises on the road, as much as you know it would make me smile.

No form of locomotion other than running, walking or crawling is allowed.

Leave it to a triathlon to address crawling in the rules.  Just like the saying goes; Run if you can, walk if you have to, crawl if you must, just don’t give up!

15 thoughts on “the Rules

  1. The rules are written but honestly…..at IMTX (you now my parents live on the run course) people were shittin’ in yards left and right….and this isn’t inner city NOLA, its a fancy fancy place….the even made signs that read, “no poopin on lawn” but it was STILL a huge issue and complaints were called in all night!!! I’m waiting for someone to stand out with a spotlight and a hose to douse anyone who drops their drawers next year…..
    Hey, have a good race….enjoy the day and don’t set that PR too high, remember you have to break it next year!!! 😉

  2. Dear friends, do not draw penises on the road, as much as you know it would make me smile.

    Damn it, I’ve been practicing!

  3. Well, you’re not the one who went and put the transition area in a public space, now are you? I say you petition for a non-public transition, like, say, a coffee shop, so you can get good and nekkid.

    If you’re not allowed to engage in locomotion other than running, walking, am I completely misunderstanding the “tri” in “triathlon”?

    And note: it says no PAINTING penises in the road. Chalk penises are A-OK. As are large, sculpted, lawn penises. Or so I would presume. If it’s art, then it’s not defacing anything, now is it?

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